Dick fighting is like sword fighting, but instead of swords, the weapon of choice is dicks. It’s like the sword fighting scenario children go through after buying wooden swords at the Renaissance festival – a back and forth with another kid, taking cracks at each other’s pretend weapons until someone hits too hard and ends the game with tears and cries for Mommy.
This children’s game is what I think of every time I see one of these idiotic press conferences given by a rich man in a suit behind a microphone giving his version of events on the government shutdown.
This blog is not political, and I take no sides on most issues. I’m pretty middle of the road, a registered Independent. So I don’t care if these guys are wearing a blue tie or a red one. They are equally immature and equally responsible for the ridiculous posturing, threatening, and circus parading that had been going on all week.
Before I had kids, I was a regular political junkie. I kept up with the goings-on in the White House and on K Street. I kept a running hum of cable news in the background almost 24 hours a day. I feel like I understand our political system pretty well and I’m pretty familiar with all the main players.
Granted, my background noise has been replaced with Dora and Jake over the past few years, but I still keep myself pretty attuned to the political scene. Even with this current effort, and even with watching Fox News, CNN, and MSNBC fairly equally, I cannot figure out who’s to blame or who needs to do what to fix this.
Okay, I get that the Republicans are angry over the Medical Reform/Obamaschmamacare/Whateverit’s called. I get that. But what I don’t get is the dick fighting. Where does that play into the whole scenario??
Is the plan for each side to hold warring press conferences, whining to the cameras about how they’re butt-hurt about some he-said, she-said crap? I mean, because as far as I can tell, it’s not much more sophisticated than that.
And I’m sick of it. I am annoyed with it. I am so over it that I have lost all respect for every single person that holds these press conferences. That includes you, Mr. President. I voted for you twice. I agree with your stance on education and immigration. I don’t completely agree with your take on welfare and other government assistance programs, but I’ve always held a level of respect for you. Well, that’s gone. Your dick fighting with Boehner ruined that for ya. I hope you feel good about yourself for yelling into the microphone and taking on a bit of an urban-street-brawl tone of voice. I hope you feel that you proved your dick is bigger.
But guess what, I don’t give a shit about that. You know what I give a shit about?
•The fact that we had to choose our new house based on school district because so many public schools in this country are failing.
•The fact that it costs me an extraordinary amount of money to feed my family of 4 because inflation has caused grocery prices to skyrocket.
•The fact that we’re putting on the charade of ethanol being a winner for fuel, when in fact it costs me more money at the pump and contributes to those expensive grocery prices.
•The fact that the woman in front of me in line used food stamps to buy grape soda, doughnuts, and chips while a pack of cigarettes sat in her purse. If we’re giving people money, shouldn’t we require them to use it in a healthy, productive manner?
•The fact that my sister-in-law made just too much money to qualify for temporary food stamps to feed her 3 kids while her husband was out of work. She took to cleaning houses on the weekend to make ends meet because her full-time paycheck just didn’t cut it for a little while. Don’t you think these laws should be reformed a bit?
•The fact that abortion legislation in this country allows women to use these clinics as birth control, instead of only using termination as a last resort for health reasons? And don’t you dare for a second say that’s not happening. I’ve seen it first-hand. We kill babies at an inordinate rate in this country, with no regard to human life.
That’s what I give a shit about. Making sure my kids have pencils in school so the teachers don’t have to use their own money to buy supplies. Lowering the cost of a gallon of milk or a pound of ground beef so I can cook my kids a meal each night without breaking the bank. Taking control of the government assistance programs so the people who sit in plastic chairs on their front porches each morning watching me drive to work have an incentive to get off their asses and do something with their lives. Making sure young girls have birth control and education so they don’t find themselves at the abortion decision crossroad in their first place.
That’s what I give a shit about. Not this dick fighting. Not this posturing. Not these childish games and tattletale press conferences.
So put your dicks away, gentlemen. Get out from in front of the cameras. Sit down and talk like you’re f’ing adults. Because you look like fools and you’re embarrassing America.